The Little Girl's Dream

I was a little girl once with a very big dream. I wanted clean, I wanted pure but I also never saw the deceit in life. I paid dearly for that.

Now I find myself a grown woman, bruised and battered, wind tossed and hurting. Still I can’t find the accolades, the claps that come from a partner saying ‘well done for you stand’- their derision maybe. Maybe even their pomp and sense of self importance. But never a well done.

Well, I know now that what does not kill you makes you stronger. People will walk all over you, if you let them. They will not say sorry.

So what now?

I realise my life is not any body’s business. You might think I am not good enough for you because of where I have been but I can also categorically say, I owe you no apologies. You can say ‘no’ just as well as I can move on.

Yeah, I’ve been there, so what? Why should I talk about where I have been? I’m reaching forward and you are pulling me back, asking me to recount my past. After you hear it you want to put me down, draw me down, conclude I am not good enough.

Honestly, I don’t care what you think- at least, not any more. I don’t owe you an explanation and if my future, my plans are not interesting enough for you, then maybe we have no business being together.

I am sorry. Not for the things I’ve done. Not for the places I’ve been. But for ever thinking I should explain these to anyone.

You ask me, Am I proud of where I’ve been? Am I glad for some things I have done? I reply, it’s none of your business. I owe you no apology. If you care for who I am, If you care for where I’m headed, then I’ll check and see if you are right.

If you are, then you may come along. If you aren’t, then you may fall off. But don’t you ever ask me about where I have been, about my past because it is none of your business.

Yes, I was a little girl once with a very big dream. And now I am an adult bruised and battered. Damaged goods you say? I say, nay- but a survivor, a victor still headed for that little girl’s dream.