Came across this. Memories!...
8th of December 2012
I had been in a hurry to go meet
a man I had just met. It did not occur to me that maybe he was supposed to be
looking for me; flying the countless acres between Abuja and Lagos. The sign
had been ignored- of a guy ready to come look for me only if I had bought a
plane ticket (or even a bus ticket!). He was willing to stretch the difference
in distance only when he was sure that I was ready to be had and willing to pay
for it. It didn’t occur to me that madness existed in the streets outside of Yaba
left but I was attracting them easier than flies to decomposing trash and
faster than a weight in gravity’s free fall.
Things didn’t work out though for
my sick and philandering heart. God had other plans for me…
As I hurried to pack my things
eager to rush into the hands of a lover I would come to disdain and to prospective
memories I would come to rue, I remembered the request of a then senior
colleague. I hurried to send the mail and against all possible and probable
odds scanned down my mails - despite my hurry, and found it sitting in the
queue like a python coiled and ready to strike- the Lord’s move despite my
inattention.
The trip to Lagos on a
deprecatory rendezvous became a trip to an interview that would forever bless
me. Yet, in a matter of days I went on to continue on my own merry way down the
path of impending destruction. The fact that I had gotten an invitation of a
life time, almost lost it on a mad trip and recovered it by divine intervention
didn’t stop me from my mad rush for madder arms as all things sane were swiftly
forgotten.
December 2012
A crazy frenzy of forgetting the
things that really mattered and The One, occupied the rest of the month- and
year!
January 2013
Entered limping, bitten several
times, calling on God while reaching out to satan. Somewhere I had realized I
was wrong but I was so wrong inside I couldn’t do anything about it. Not to
excuse myself. Just to say I know what it felt like to be under and lost.
Seemingly without help or hope because you do not know, cannot or maybe do not
even want to help yourself.
January/February 2013
I was so wrong inside. Work was
non-existent. Love was mad (literally and in a deprecatory way)- it was
everything it shouldn’t be. Went back to Abuja and continued my torment - in
the hands of the wrong person, I was a bomb waiting to explode. I was dying
inside; self-destructing.
March 2013
My birthday- it was uneventful
but for God’s Faithfulness. I guess that was the most important, though.
I was crazy in a wrong place,
‘problemized’, traumatized and in the wrong hands. Problem met problem. Problems
were compounded. I was called pathetic by someone I should have been conducting
‘deliverance sessions’ for (pardon the insinuations but get my drift). The
devil had set his eyes on me but somehow, God wouldn’t let go.
Dad wanted me back in Lagos. My
last Instruction before I faded from God’s presence was to be in Abuja. I knew
nothing else beyond that. I was out of sync, had lost Him but somehow I was
still in His Sights. I wouldn’t leave Abuja. I didn’t know where I was supposed
to be. I didn’t know where He was (more like, I didn’t know where I was) but I
knew the last thing I’d heard.
April 2013
Went to make peace at home in
Lagos. Then, decided to stay in Lagos. I started another business. I opened my
heart to receive the alien.
Then I entered an exercise I had
been ignoring. The Instruction had come to my spirit a couple of times but I
had rationalized it away each time.
Aware I needed help I finally
succumbed. It was like my last hope- I had nothing to lose by obeying, anyway.
If nothing else happened I would have obeyed and saved myself the repetitive
urge.
Then, the call came.
May 2013
I came back into Abuja. It was victory!
December 8, 2012 ‘almost lost’ interview came through. I resumed at my new
place (of work).
Still, I played with the devil. I
got bitten. I managed to recover, somehow. Somehow, I grew up in victory,
despite all. I recovered.
June/July 2013
I continued playing with the
devil. Somehow my resistance was increasing. I stopped playing with him and
started entertaining him instead- up today, struggling tomorrow, down the day
after. I never relaxed into it but now I did not only know where I wanted to be,
it was where I was steering the ship of my life towards, determinedly. I was seeing where I wanted to go, where I
needed to be.
Cleared years’ worth of debts.
August/September 2013
I weeded the devil out. Then
ignored him.
House issues came up.
October 2013
The devil called. I didn’t
respond. I sent a scram text. I got a plea. Not interested. No deal.
House Hunting
November 2013
I got a bigger house. Better
environs: joyous living and peace.
December 2013
I got wheedling pleas. Not
interested. Old wounds were opened, temptation, siege- no deal. I can only
describe it has God’s faithfulness.
December 8, 2013
I look back and realize no love
lost. No loss at all. Strength comes and
after overcoming temptation comes realization that there was really nothing in
it at all. It was not and never was where I want or even wanted to be.
Maybe we kill ourselves by the
choices we make but… We make the choices because of who we are….
You might not like who you are,
but you’ve got to go back to Where you came to change it…
The rest of the month is going to
be better- nothing like last year, at all.
With overcoming temptation come strength and enlightenment. Open eyes. I
know puke now when I see one.
January 2014
Looking forward to January 2014-
New goals, New Life, New Dreams…
Still got a ways to go… But I’m
so glad ‘cause I’m so far from whence I used to be…
Thank You, Lord Jesus!
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